Had dinner tonight with two friends, and one said "So, have you been taking less freelance to focus on your writing?" and I laughed and laughed heartily. I did talk of my commitment to write at least one page a day starting in January, which sounded good as dinner conversation but will be hard for me to keep to, I think. You would think that after this summer's fright fest I would be on a second draft by now, but no. Although I have set in motion other healthy habits, the writing is not coming as it should. The novel writing I've been doing is not enough to make a dent (or a ream, or substitute a better thought here). I know what needs to be done -- how to make the time -- but right now I'm not willing to do it. ack.

My goal: Get enough holiday shopping done early in December so that I can use some of my December vacation time to write!

I did come up with an idea for the subplot involving the best friend of the main character. Not sure though how much to develop this, how distracting it might become. Not ever having written a novel, I have no idea how "forward" the subplot can be before it is too much. I know only the styles of the books I edit (never having read one of these paperback romance novels for entertainment), and those books always have friends in some kind of escapade while the main people are going down their own path. We'll see.

Currently my favorite stranger blog is called The Book Bitches (rather entertaining!), and their post for 11/15/05 is called Romance Novels Pet Peeves. I agree with many of their points. Pretty good list!

I don't usually post twice in one day, and I don't usually post about politics (although Sunday mornings are always politics mornings here, with breakfast to Chris Matthews, Meet the Press, and McLaughlin Group), but I just came out of my office and saw that this was taped up to the refrigerator. *sigh* Is it any wonder I can only process these issues one morning a week?

Instead of doing what I normally do on Sundays (work, work, work), I put together submission packets and will mail them out tomorrow, both flash fiction and poetry. *ahhh* victory. taking the time to nurture the soul. (i also found the missing sweater boxes in the attic and have unpacked all my winter wear. woo hoo!)

The holidays were very good but not long enough. The drive north took 5 hours thanks to two disastrous accidents stopping traffic along the way. Just glad that we were waiting in the traffic and not part of the accidents. Consequently we did miss the appetizers, but we didn't miss the turkey, so that's what counts. It was beautiful to look out the windows on lawns of snow, enough to coat everything well but not to annoy on the roads. I'm sure the tri-state snow will hit us soon (not enough to close work of course, but enough to annoy on the roads).

I think our office book club meeting is tomorrow but I won't be attending. I was never able to get into American Pastoral so I wouldn't have anything to say. Maybe the next book will be easier to try, but I have to insist on putting my writing first. It was scary to log submissions in my journal today only to see that the last submissions went out March 2004! Here's to improving on that.

For the past week I've written the same scene for my novel each night before falling asleep, and none of them represent closely enough the scene I repeatedly play in my head. How frustrating not to be able to write out what I want. I could attribute it to being tired (falling asleep on the notebook does not help), but I think it is more than that. I try to slow down what I see, and then I just can't get the right words for the scene. argh.

I've also been taking lots of time to think about subplots, but those aren't gelling either. My only recent success has been to rename one of the main characters so that his name is less like another character name. I actually feel guilty renaming him, as I've been calling him one name for so long that it is difficult to think of him as anything but that. I'm sure some editor will make me rename everyone again anyway, so I'll have to practice nonattachment.

Maybe some turkey and stuffing will help things. It can't hurt.

I’ve been engaged in my writing life of late, which is satisfying. I took a writing vacation and finished two poems, and I’m actually really happy with them. And one is a nice look back on a third-grade experience ... nice is not something I typically do, but I get good reactions to my lighter poems so I’m trying, I really am. I’ll send them out with a few others to some literary journals. And this week I’ll be sending out some flash fiction pieces, so I hope that I see my name in print more often next year.

Friday I read my poems to an audience for the first time in over a year. Boy was I rusty! Even though the audience was small (which S felt bad about it seemed, but it didn’t bother me) and consisted of a number of friends, I still didn’t feel comfortable. Not sure why. I forgot that I’d be speaking into a mic, so that might have thrown me off. I wasn’t sure how the new poems would go over, and I’d never read them aloud to an audience before. I’d have to work on my presentation before another reading. If I can write another 6 to 10 new poems that I think are really working, I would consider trying to get some readings again. But we’ll see.

I was happier about the chance to go out after the reading with S and D and their friends to a local restaurant and participate in some real intelligent and literary conversation. I miss talking regularly with others about all things poetry. I asked if anyone had heard the news that the Dodge festival will be back at Waterloo this year (instead of the mud pit fiasco of 2004), and that started a great, detailed discussion about the cons and mishaps of the last festival.

We were all thrilled that it will be back in Stanhope; we discussed the difficulties there, including the small main tent and buildings, but the atmosphere can’t be beat ... it’s inspiring and historic. There were rather funny stories told about sign language interpreters at poetry readings and how they tried desperately to translate the personal and awkward words from open and raw poets like Sharon Olds. I even had cheesecake, which I probably should have avoided, but I feel that since I regularly go to the gym, I can indulge.*

The romance novel is coming along slowly; I write out notes pretty regularly but need to get more into the computer. I need to do better, take some time to get it moving faster. So off to do more on it. ...




*this statement is how I justify most sugary/bad/fatty things I eat, including but not limited to natural kettle-cooked potato chips, chocolate-chip cookies, espresso chip ice cream, cheesy baked cracker things, Snapple, chocolate cake, muffins, and assorted mini candy bars. On the up side, I have kept my vow to move toward better foods and eat soy garden spread, organic milk and produce, "safe(r)" fish, 100% juice, tofu, hummus, and so on. It's a yin-yang thing, apparently. Now to wean from the evil sugar ...

We used the beautiful, warm day Friday to tour FDR’s estate in Hyde Park, NY. The first stop was the back of the home where the property drops off steeply to an orchard below, and far below that runs the Hudson, and then the mountains of gold and red trees stretch miles. It has been a long time since I have sat in silence, no need for conversation or reflection, and it was good to clear the mind.

After that was the National Park Service movie on the Roosevelts, the tour of the home, and the meandering through the presidential library. A few letters and items stood out this time (a long wall of letters from women who were in such need, writing to the first lady as if she were their next-door neighbor, and Einstein’s letter to FDR about uranium and bombs), but for both of us, perhaps the most striking was the Four Freedoms speech, the end of which is quoted below. This strikes a sensitive place in me, and I think it illustrates a good part of why we were drawn to his estate last week in the first place. There is so much missing now, and in FDR the point seemed more clear. No presidency was perfect, and no man can be. But how the country seemed to have a leader then – a director, a writer, a fireside chatter, a friend (and a tree farmer!).


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A free nation has the right to expect full cooperation from all groups. A free nation has the right to look to the leaders of business, of labor, and of agriculture to take the lead in stimulating effort, not among other groups but within their own group.

The best way of dealing with the few slackers or trouble-makers in our midst is, first, to shame them by patriotic example, and if that fails, to use the sovereignty of government to save government.

As men do not live by bread alone, they do not fight by armaments alone. Those who man our defenses and those behind them who build our defenses must have the stamina and the courage which come from unshakable belief in the manner of life which they are defending. The mighty action that we are calling for cannot be based on a disregard of all the things worth fighting for.

The nation takes great satisfaction and much strength from the things which have been done to make its people conscious of their individual stake in the preservation of democratic life in America. Those things have toughened the fiber of our people, have renewed their faith and strengthened their devotion to the institutions we make ready to protect.

Certainly this is no time for any of us to stop thinking about the social and economic problems which are the root cause of the social revolution which is today a supreme factor in the world. For there is nothing mysterious about the foundations of a healthy and strong democracy.

The basic things expected by our people of their political and economic systems are simple. They are:

Equality of opportunity for youth and for others.
Jobs for those who can work.
Security for those who need it.
The ending of special privilege for the few.
The preservation of civil liberties for all.
The enjoyment -- The enjoyment of the fruits of scientific progress in a wider and constantly rising standard of living.

These are the simple, the basic things that must never be lost sight of in the turmoil and unbelievable complexity of our modern world. The inner and abiding strength of our economic and political systems is dependent upon the degree to which they fulfill these expectations.

Many subjects connected with our social economy call for immediate improvement. As examples:

We should bring more citizens under the coverage of old-age pensions and unemployment insurance.

We should widen the opportunities for adequate medical care.

We should plan a better system by which persons deserving or needing gainful employment may obtain it.

I have called for personal sacrifice, and I am assured of the willingness of almost all Americans to respond to that call. A part of the sacrifice means the payment of more money in taxes. In my budget message I will recommend that a greater portion of this great defense program be paid for from taxation than we are paying for today. No person should try, or be allowed to get rich out of the program, and the principle of tax payments in accordance with ability to pay should be constantly before our eyes to guide our legislation.

If the Congress maintains these principles the voters, putting patriotism ahead pocketbooks, will give you their applause.

In the future days, which we seek to make secure, we look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms.

The first is freedom of speech and expression -- everywhere in the world.

The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way everywhere in the world.

The third is freedom from want, which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants -- everywhere in the world.

The fourth is freedom from fear, which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor -- anywhere in the world.

That is no vision of a distant millennium. It is a definite basis for a kind of world attainable in our own time and generation. That kind of world is the very antithesis of the so-called “new order” of tyranny which the dictators seek to create with the crash of a bomb.

To that new order we oppose the greater conception -- the moral order. A good society is able to face schemes of world domination and foreign revolutions alike without fear.

Since the beginning of our American history we have been engaged in change, in a perpetual, peaceful revolution, a revolution which goes on steadily, quietly, adjusting itself to changing conditions without the concentration camp or the quicklime in the ditch. The world order which we seek is the cooperation of free countries, working together in a friendly, civilized society.

This nation has placed its destiny in the hands and heads and hearts of its millions of free men and women, and its faith in freedom under the guidance of God. Freedom means the supremacy of human rights everywhere. Our support goes to those who struggle to gain those rights and keep them. Our strength is our unity of purpose.

To that high concept there can be no end save victory.