Apparently, Worn Down = Susceptible to All Bugs. I am enduring the worst I've had in years. Ack. And the poetry reading is this aft. I think I'll go (or have R take me!), croak out a few, and leave. What else can I do? I've already cancelled on this guy once.

I've made the decision that I am not doing another reading until I have lots of new poems, unless (a) begged, (b) invited to read with a famous cool person, or (c) offered cash and food. As (b) and (c) are completely unlikely and (a) only happened once or twice in a "help me fill in for the absent person" situation, I will take the rest of the year to write new things. I am just SO SICK of reading the same couple sets, mixing it up depending on the season. Yawn. I know they are new poems for each audience, but I am sick of reading them. I can see how musicians feel, wanting to play a concert of only new things, à la Neil Young.

First things first: I must get organized, box things up, get ready. I have to plan my errands this week to take care of the last two necessary, important tasks. And I even wrote to Suze Orman last night to see if she'll take my financial question. :) She rocks. I must plan to knock off one thing a day, or one thing every other day, and it will all get done. I happily took off a day last week to organize all my financial papers, go through my closet, and throw out old tapes (who needs videos of the X-Files series with commericals now that I have DVDs?). I have three boxes of clothes to give away/sell and lots of nice accordian folders full of papier. woo hoo. go go gadget cleaner.

Off to hot tea, vitamin C, tissues, and purple medicine.

Had a good poets' group meeting this past Sunday. Talked about getting serious about submissions and the larger chapbook picture, getting published and going to Dodge. Listened to amusing Boston Sci-Fi convention stories (Noreascon) from S. The stalking of editors and agents ... . I just looked at the schedule online, and my god the talks were crazy! Everything from the anatomy of a unicorn to gollum analysis. A few seemed helpful to writers, but I can imagine the audiences at the rest. Don't get me wrong, I love geeks. :) (I say, having shown up in my Super Wench Ren Fest shirt!)

I only have until Sunday to prepare for the poetry reading; I do have a few new ideas but nothing seems to be coming to paper very well. I should write about this afternoon, walking the yard and D's pumpkins, her children running in front to point out every fat one. That one could help me avoid writing about how disappointed I feel of late, how worn down, how out of touch with anything academic or literary or smart.

Just received some nice feedback on a recent fiction editing project, so that makes me feel good. Took a few more projects for the end of the month. By mid to late October I'd better have a writing retreat vacation booked, else I'll burst or wither or do whatever those who don't allow their passions do.

Back to work before The Amazing Race later.

I've replaced The Basement with Delicious Agony Progressive Rock Radio. It's less background so it tends to distract me from my work more that the Aussies did.

hmmm. that sounds rather porcupine tree/yes/marillion-y. she twists her neck to see the name of the band. another one she's never listened to. better write it down. she pulls the "new prog groups" post-it off her monitor edge and scribbles the name sideways in tiny print to avoid the other five names.

At least it's not streaming video like The Basement or I really wouldn't get anything done.

Got a postcard today from J in AZ. On one side the Grand Canyon is a glossy, wide crater of glowing rust. "You've got to take the helicopter over the canyon!" screams black ink on the other side. I think a mule will do nicely, thanks J. And by the way, when do you think I'm going to get to take a vacation anyway!?

Celebrity Wishes
Person I'd like to look like: Catherine Zeta-Jones
Person I'd like to hang out with: Rachael Ray
Movie star I'd like to replace: Kate Beckinsale
(hey, those cool underworld/van helsing outfits!!)

all right, seriously. how shallow.

oooh. spock's beard. :) back to Compound and Free Chromosomes

So I was talking in July (!!) about getting things done and making specific dates and so on, and now it is Sept. and I have done a few things, and I am trying, so that counts for something. Tonight I went through the attic to check what I can add to a friend's garage sale. I realized that I do not have much junk anymore, so I feel pretty good about where I stand with my "stuff," as Carlin says. I'll take some time off in Sept. and Oct. to finally get things together and move forward.

A few weeks ago I had a revitalizing night out at a coffee shop with a girlfriend who I have not seen or caught up with in about a year! She and I see many things the same way and have much of the same interests, and she had impressive insights and perceptive comments. I left the café feeling understood and appreciated in a way I had not for a long time, and that energy lasted for a week or more. (Or maybe that was the impressive tea??) Our time brought me to a reunderstanding of the kinds of friendships I need and want in my life. Aside from a few people, I feel disappointed about how my friendships have been developing.

Been having quite the writer's block of late. It's 9/2/04 and I have to decide whether to go ahead with the 100 Words this month. I never got going with August. I have a poetry reading this month too. It would be nice to have something new to read but I just don't feel it happening. I was even telling L at lunch today about my historical fiction novel idea. I'm all over the place with my writing. Ahhhhhhh!

Been trying to get out and do things to keep life interesting. Went to Central Park Summerstage for the Finn Brothers and Martin Sexton. Went to see Yes and Dream Theater also. Different shows of course, but both concerts were great. The Finns are amazing. Still hooked on Celebrity Poker and now on The Amazing Race. Go models!! :) Next I'll read Life of Pi by Yann Martel. Hey three-day weekend. woo hoo.

Until the next installment.