Every December I hope against hope that I won't have to endure the one commercial series that turns my stomach and balls my fists. Perhaps they run these only in the east, but the Lexus commercials (for the "December to Remember" Sales Event) make me embarrassed to be an American. This year we have two that are played incessantly.

In the less nauseous of the two, a man is shopping in a jewelry store, looking terribly bored by the selection of expensive diamond bijous, and he turns to look out the front window, only to see a Lexus parked beneath a large red bow. The car pulls away from the curb, and the man sees that the ribbon was adorning something else; it just appeared as if the bow were on the roof so that the car looked like a present. (What a clever tromp l'oeil!) You see his expression change, as does the scene, and then he is presenting his wife/girlfriend/mistress/brother's wife with a new Lexus with its own red bow.

The worse of the two is the one where a woman (an actress who is in so many commercials that I should know her name by now) is using a laptop to search online for a gift for a man in her life. She looks at golfing items and a cashmere sweater (*YAWN*) and is so unimpressed that she actually squints and sighs, then turns around to look out her huge and incredibly clean plate-glass windows. She sees a Lexus with a bow ... yadda yadda yadda ... bow on the fence ... yadda yadda ... evil smile for deciding on a great gift ... and her husband/boyfriend/pimp gets a new car in the drive for the holidays.

There have been many versions of this obnoxiousness over the years, and they never get any less pretentious, of course. There are people who have lost everything in this country this year, and yet the most important decision that a Lexus customer can make is: golf clubs, cashmere, or Lexus? I'm sure after the additional tax break for the wealthy, they'll all have a group hug at the dealership.

I also admit that just catching the start of the tinkling Steinway notes of the background music makes me run out of the living room. I am certain that this has become the soundtrack to my nightmares.

If you go here, you can watch the worst one at the top left of the page. Please do turn it up so you can enjoy the fabulous music, the smooth voiceover, and the woman's sigh!

According to the starting prices on the Lexus site, the models range from $30,580 to $67,990. (I believe the one in the commercial is about $33K minimum, but I am uncertain.) So let's say it's $33K for argument's sake. On Oprah's registry for Katrina victims, you could get the following instead of that one car:

• 41 computers OR
• 55 couches OR
• 1,320 lamps OR
• 21 full kitchens OR
• 287 new tableware sets OR
• 23 full living rooms OR
• 1,100 comforters ...

Do you get my drift?